


Burn Me, Break Me, Kiss Me

by Camerahead12



Series: Babble Babble [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Castiel and Dean Winchester Have a Profound Bond, Eventual Happy Ending, John Winchester A+ parenting, Librarian Castiel (Supernatural), M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Castiel (Supernatural), Slow Burn, Soulmates, Soulmates Castiel & Dean Winchester, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:33:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25720633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Camerahead12/pseuds/Camerahead12
Summary: Seventeen years ago, when Castiel was eight, got his first mark from his soulmate. It’s rare children see marks from their soulmate before puberty, and rarer still when they can actually feel the others pain associated with the mark. Even though the doctor assures Castiel he shouldn’t feel anymore of his soulmates pain, Castiel deals with the bruises and other injuries in silence. When he tries to reach out to his soulmate he gets nothing but silence back.Now, twenty five years old and fresh out of college, Castiel cannot ignore the pull he feels telling him to take the interview in a town called Lawrence, Kansas. Will this be the fresh start he’s been looking for, or is a surprise that will change his life forever waiting for him?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Babble Babble [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1701370
Comments: 24
Kudos: 168





	Burn Me, Break Me, Kiss Me

**Author's Note:**

> Soulmate Au where physical injuries manifest on significant other. Pen or markers do not work, it has to be a skin modification, or harm.
> 
> Castiel 25 (After graduation. 8 when burned)  
> Dean 21, (when they meet. 4 when burned in house fire)  
> Sam 17 (6 months old in house fire)
> 
> Warning: Mentions of abuse, violence, shitty home life
> 
> Characters: Dean, Cas, Sam, Marv, Chuck and Amara (Castiel’s parents), Uriel

The first time it happened, Castiel was eight.

He woke up in the middle of the night screaming, holding his side in pain. His parents rushed in trying to comfort him, asking what was wrong, but all he could do was thrash in his bed holding his side while it felt like his skin was on fire and he was being burned alive.

By the time his parents got him to the hospital, the pain had all but vanished. His mother held him closely to her chest, running a hand through his hair as the doctor examined the burn already fading from his skin. His father’s nervous eyes glanced from the doctor to his skin so frequently it made Castiel dizzy.

With the pain not clouding his mind Castiel was able to pick up on the conversation the doctor was having with his parents, but it didn’t make any sense. You weren’t suppose to actually _feel_ anything.

“But he’s so young,” his mother said. “Marks aren’t suppose to appear until puberty, if not later.”

“Listen, Doctor Uriel,” his father said waving a hand at him. “We both know when you get marks you don’t actually transmit any of the other persons pain associated with it.”

“Mister Novak, please,” the doctor said standing up a little taller. “There have been cases – rare, but they’re still there. On these rare occasions the soulmates have been actually known to feel each other’s pain. Now, just like tonight, the pain doesn’t last long. This burn on your sons side is already fading just like any other typical marking anyone else would receive. I believe, in my medical opinion, the severity of the mark on your sons soulmate’s skin was the reason behind Castiel feeling it.”

“But he’s so young!” His mother pleaded again, burying her head in Castiel’s hair beginning to sob.

The doctor sighed as Castiel watched him slump a little looking more exhausted than he’d been letting himself seem. “Yes, he is. It’s not unheard of, just, again, rare. Your son and his soulmate must share a profound enough bond that it’s showing now at a young age.”

“What do we do?” Castiel’s mother asked with a choked out sob.

“Unfortunately there isn’t anything we can do,” the doctor said giving her a sad smile. “We all get our marks at some point or another, you know this. Castiel here just happened to get his sooner than normal. You know life doesn’t change because of that.”

“But what if – what if –”

Castiel watched as his father finally moved from the corner he was standing in and wrapped an arm around them. “I believe the reason your son felt his soulmates pain like it was his own is due to two reasons; one, it being their first showing. Two, because of the severity of it mark. From what I saw when he was brought in those were some pretty bad burns cause by some extremely hot fire. I pray wherever Castiel’s soulmate is that they were able to be saved.”

Castiel’s mother let out a cry and began sobbing again. Castiel managed to squirm away to drop off his mother’s lap and let her cling to her father as he stood there awkwardly without a shirt. Doctor Uriel knelt down beside him with a kind smile. “Don’t worry, Castiel, in a few weeks you wont even remember what it felt like. I truly hope you find your soulmate one day.”

Years passed and Castiel never forgot that hot, blinding pain.

When thirteen came and went, all his classmates and friends started seeing their first marks. It was typical things that normal kids get excited over. A bruise that would randomly appear from where their soulmate had fallen down, a skinned knee from riding a bike or sometimes even words scratched into their skin. Finally, the weird looks were less and less when he’d walk into school with a black eye that wasn’t there the night before.

By sixteen Castiel had given up on trying to trying to reach out to his soulmate. By now he’d mastered the art of being yanked from sleep in excruciating pain and how to muffle his screams so his parents didn’t know. One night he woke up in the middle of the night, much like the first night, biting back yelling out in pain as he curled up on his bed trying to breathe. It felt like his own ribs were stabbing into his lungs and taking in any air hurt. When the pain finally started to fade and Castiel was able to sit up, he grabbed a pen from his desk, and dug into his skin rewriting the words _“where are you? Let me help you!”_ until he blood beaded up from pushing so hard. 

Time ticked by and no reply appeared on his skin. Castiel waited a week, periodically rewriting the words on his arm in hopes his soulmate would reply. But, silence was his only answer.

Towards their senior years many of his classmates had gained tattoos from their soulmates giving them a clue to where the other resided. Tattoos were the only known way to have mark stick on your other half so many people used it as a media to reach out to the other. Castiel couldn’t help but roll his eyes at some of the markings some would show off with pride. They all were different, ranging from something simple like their city and state to elaborate song lyrics in some type of attempt to woo the other. All Castiel kept thinking was it was like you were being branded without consent. How could that possibly be romantic?

Graduation came and went without any excitement. Many of his classmates took time off to travel and meet their soulmate. Others, like Castiel, were preparing for the next step in their academic lives and enjoying their summer with their families before college started in the fall. It was always interesting to see the split between the groups.

Six years after high school graduation and Castiel found himself again, graduating, but this time from college with his bachelor’s degree in education and his Master’s in Library and Information Science. He managed to somehow make it to the top three of his class. That meant he actually had to appear at the ceremony.

Since Castiel started college he couldn’t help but notice his soulmate hadn’t gotten nearly as many severe marks. Random bruises here or there would pop up, but nothing that actually actually had him feeling his soulmates pain. Some nights he’d wake up in the middle of the night half expecting some type of pain to happen. Nothing ever did. After going most of his childhood associating pain with his soulmate, the lack of feeling his other half’s pain almost left an empty feeling in him. It was fucked up and he knew it, but he couldn’t help it. Without actually hearing anything from his soulmate he couldn’t help but feel unwanted, somehow.

Since the marks started appearing on him at such a young age, kids tended to avoid him calling him “weird”. Even after everyone else started seeing their own markings people still tended to look away from him when he’d walk into school sporting a black eye that wasn’t there yesterday. It was almost as if the kids were afraid it might rub off on them.

Even with the rough marks, Castiel couldn’t bring himself to hate his soulmate. He wasn’t dumb by any means, and knew that the marks were more than likely from an abusive parent. Above all, it was obviously not his soulmate’s fault. Castiel remembers when he was about ten or so he was coming out of his room for drink of water when he heard his parents whispering from the kitchen. They were trying to figure out a way to ask him to reach out to his soulmate to figure out where they might be so they could try and help them. His parents never ended up asking. Castiel never told them that he tried. They simply just didn’t talk about his bruises that would paint his skin from time to time.

He couldn’t help himself from wondering throughout the years how his soulmate got these marks. Sometimes he wished he could erase some of them; especially the ones that sometimes looked like handprints over his arms and thighs. Those were the ones that gave him dark nightmares of being trapped in back alleys, with sharp toothed men and their wide smiles stretched out so far they looked inhuman. Their long fingered hands would reach out and grab him and Castiel would never be able to get free. When he’d wake up sweating, panting and unsure of where he was. Those nights Castiel swore he would still smell the linger stench of the alley around him, and the sweaty touch of men who’s faces haunted him when he’d try and rest for weeks after.

Finding a job after graduation was almost too easy. As much as his parents wanted him to find a job closer to home, Castiel wanted to get away from their small town that everyone knew him by his soulmate markings. Right before graduation he put out his application on the internet and got many offers throughout the week. All of them were big cities, the perfect place for blending in, but the one that pulled to him was a library in Lawrence, Kansas.

There wasn’t anything spectacular about the library itself. They certainly weren’t the best offer on the table salary wise. But the building looked relatively new, clean and up to date (which is saying a lot from the world of librarians). There was hardly ever enough funding to seem to give them new anything, but plenty for everyone else. When Castiel googled the library he read nothing but good things from its patrons and community. The population of the town wasn’t anywhere small, but not terribly large enough feel crowded.

Biting his lip, Castiel weighed the options of potential employment throughout that weekend of graduation. By Monday morning as he was packing up his dorm room, he sent a reply that he was interested. That afternoon he had a request for an in person interview in three days.

Three days later Castiel was shaking hands with the head of the library, Marv Jones, and accepting his position as their newest librarian. His new boss offered to give him two weeks to move his things down here and get things figured out. Castiel agreed and left the building feeling somehow lighter.

Googling the cheapest motels in the area, Castiel cringed. He settled on the DoubleTree which didn’t look slightly as rough as the others. And for seventy dollars a night, Castiel considers it decent enough.

Castiel managed to get a room with no issue and called his parents to tell them the news as he slid his keycard into the door. They were excited for him, and his father wouldn’t take no for answer when he told Castiel he’d be putting money into his account in the morning. All in all, Castiel could honestly say being in Lawrence, albeit not even a full day, he could already feel lighter. He couldn’t explain it, but something about just being in the town felt right, almost as if it is where he was meant to be.

*~*~*~*

A week goes by with no leads on any decent one bedroom apartment close to the library. Even with his parents generous amount of money they’ve added to his bank account, Castiel worries about having enough for his first months rent and deposit.

Skimming the ads for available apartments in Lawrence while shoving the last french fry on his plate in his mouth, Castiel sighs and sets down his phone looking around the diner. The nicest looking apartment that doesn’t look like it might fall down on his head, is near eight hundred dollars a month. Sure, once he started getting paid he would be able to afford it, but he hasn’t even started working.

The ding of the bell coming from the front door of the diner has Castiel’s eyes glancing to two men walking into the diner. The taller one with long hair looks around the place with his nose scrunched up like it’s personally offending him. The shorter one wearing a dark blue button up type of uniform shirt that has something dark smeared over it, looks around the diner with a confused expression. There’s something about the shorter mans confused expression that Castiel can’t help but think is endearing. He smiles to himself as he reaches for his cup of coffee, watching the two men start bickering in whispers with one another.

“That be it for you, honey?” His waitress asks appearing beside him.

Startled by her sudden appearance Castiel jumps, fumbling the cup of coffee in his hand and spilling most of it onto his lap. He hisses and loudly sets it down trying to reach over taking out a handful of napkins from the dispenser and uselessly dabbing the coffee on his pants. Out of the corner of his eye he hears a yelp by the door and glances to see the shorter man rubbing at his thighs while the taller one is laughing. Castiel is only vaguely aware that his waitress is apologizing and hurrying away for a towel because the shorter man looks up from where he’s been rubbing his thighs and meets his eyes.

Castiel’s breath catches as he stares into the greenest eyes he’s ever seen before. The sun is hitting the man’s face just right that Castiel thinks that he’s quite possibly never seen a green so deep and so vibrant before. Castiel’s heart starts to beat a little faster as the green eyed man’s eyes go wide.

“Here ya go! I’m so sorry about that!” His waitress says, causing Castiel to break his gaze.

“It’s my fault,” he says reaching for the towel and dabbing at the coffee pooling over the table. “My head must’ve been somewhere else. I’m sorry about the mess.”

“Oh, bless your heart,” she says huffing out a breath. “Listen sweetie, lunch is on me. Least I could do.”

Castiel opens up his mouth to object, but she just holds out a finger and shakes her head. “No, don’t you even think about arguing. Everyone can use a little good in their life, and after what just happened, consider this my act to try and tip your possibly bad day back into the right path.”

Knowing there is no use arguing with the lady he smiles up at her, nodding his thanks. After making sure he is fine and doesn’t need anything else, the waitress – Sandy, her name tag says – walks off towards the back. Castiel sighs and slips out of the booth looking down at his coffee stained khaki pants. Great, now he’d have to go shopping for another pair.

Sighing again Castiel grabs his phone from the table, sending up thanks to whoever is listening that it didn’t get splashed with coffee. He starts walking to the door looking up just in time to see the short man step in front of him and Castiel walks right into him.

“Shit,” a deep, rough voice says as strong hands grip Castiel’s shoulders. “Sorry about that.”

Castiel blinks up at the man, opening and closing his mouth like a fish trying to figure out how to get his brain to function again. He’s beautiful. Close enough to actually make out the mans features, Castiel can’t seem to stop staring. Freckles are scattered over his handsomely, perfect face. Long, thick, full eyelashes that curl right at the tips somehow enhancing those damn green eyes. And his full, pink lips parted slightly almost like he’s inviting – 

The man chuckles a little and takes a step back. “Rough day you’re having, huh? Spilled some coffee on you?”

Castiel’s cheeks begin to burn realizing he’s been leaning forward. They burn hotter when realizes the man must have seen him clumsily drop his coffee on himself after he’d been caught staring.

“I, uh,” Castiel clears his throat and tries to edge past the man. “I’m sorry, I’ll just –”

“Dean, by the way,” the man says.

Castiel pauses and looks back up at him, confused.

“My name’s Dean,” he says again, nervously rubbing the back of his head. “Dean Winchester.”

Castiel just blinks back at him, still trying to process what’s happening. Is this man – _Dean_ – giving his name for a reason? Maybe he needs something?

“It’s kinda socially polite to give someone a name back, ya know,” Dean huffs dropping his hand from his neck and stuffing them into his pockets.

“I, uh, right. Sorry. It’s just been…” Castiel waves to the booth then his pants and shrugs. What the hell is wrong with him? He’s never been one to lose his words before.

“I’m Castiel,” he says holding out his hand. Dean looks at it in surprise, before a smirk slides into place and he firmly grips his hand giving it a shake.

“Castiel, huh? I can honestly say you’re the only one I’ve ever met. Kinda a mouthful,” Dean says looking down at their hands.

Castiel swears if his face gets any more warm he’ll combust into flames. He gently tugs his hand out of Dean’s grip and clears his throat nodding back to the door. “I better, um, get going.”

“Sure,” Dean says taking a step back as Castiel watches his cheeks begin to flush. “Right, don’t want to keep you. I’ll see you around, Castiel.”

“Cas,” he says taking a few steps backwards until his shoulder bumps the door. “My friends called me Cas.”

“Cas,” Dean says slowly, as if he’s tasting the word in his mouth. A small smile spreads over his lips as Castiel tries to ignore the way every atom in his body seems to be pulling him back, closer to the man. “I like it.”

Cas gives a quick nod before pushing the door open and immediately turning right, heading to God knows where as he takes a deep breath trying to clear his head. What the hell was that?

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos give me a high! Let me know what you think! I'm always up for good conversations. ^_^


End file.
